Burnout

I’d like to talk about burnout. I had heard people use this phrase, and always thought it just meant that people had overdone things and pushed themselves too hard. I wasn’t really aware of what it meant in a neurodivergence sense.

In my last post, I talked about some of the difficulties Smiler was experiencing around the time of his mock exams. Before I get into burnout properly though, I want to say how incredibly well Smiler actually did in those mocks.

He completely surpassed our expectations and got an A in every subject except one, where he got a B. Honestly, we couldn’t believe it. We would never in a million years have expected Smiler to get such an incredible set of results, not because he doesn’t have the ability, but because his challenges around focus and attention were always so prominent. It really highlights how much of an impact the medication has had, and how much his potential was being held back before his diagnosis.

Back to the story…!

We had an appointment with Smiler’s psychiatrist right after I wrote that last post, and because his demeanour had changed so much, I actually wrote to her about the changes we had seen in Smiler ahead of the appointment (I was too worried about sharing some of what had been happening while Smiler was present at the appointment).

We talked through everything, and she told us that she thought Smiler was burned out from the stress of the exams.

It made perfect sense. He had pushed himself harder than he ever has before to study, and the whole experience had been overwhelming for him. Funnily enough, even after what I wrote in my last post, it didn’t actually feel that obvious in the midst of things, but looking back, it became very clear.

Because Smiler’s mocks finished a few weeks before Christmas, he had a period of winding down at school before the holidays, and then of course during the holidays themselves. He was tired, but seemed really upbeat when we had family to stay over the holidays, and despite seeming out of sorts before, he was distracted by everything going on, which really helped.

Then things seemed to get a bit worse.

Smiler decided he wanted to stop taking his medication (we have always said this is his decision to make), so over the holidays he was unmedicated. It brought into sharp focus just how much the medication helps with his some of his challenges, and it was quite difficult to manage.

Given how well Smiler had done in his mocks, we did have a (private) concern that if he couldn’t be persuaded to go back on the medication for the return to school, he might not be able to perform as well in his final exams in the summer without that scaffolding in place.

As it turned out, he did decide to start taking the medication again at the beginning of the new term in January. What we then realised was that, despite being back on the meds, once he had returned to school he had absolutely no energy or drive to do any schoolwork whatsoever.

After being so disciplined with his schoolwork throughout the tail end of last year, he has done the bare minimum since going back. He has basically sat in front of the TV for the last four weeks and seems fairly despondent. He is also extremely quick to become angry and upset, and has a very low tolerance for any kind of conversation with me or his dad.

It’s easy to get frustrated, when he had been doing so well. I would be heartbroken for him if he didn’t manage to achieve the results in his proper exams that he managed in the mocks. But what I have realised is that those mocks took such a monumental amount of energy that he is now completely drained and running on empty. And apart from anything else, he only received his diagnosis 7 months ago, so he is still very much coming to terms with that, nevermind anything else.

His health is much more important than any exam result, and I genuinely feel that he could become seriously unwell if we push him too hard. So we are being very gentle with him right now, and will support him however he needs as he gets through this next period.

What I’ve learned is that burnout isn’t always obvious - it’s hidden under the surface, and it can easily be mistaken for laziness, disengagement, or not caring. But underneath, there is exhaustion and a complete lack of capacity.

Just now, our focus isn’t on pushing or motivating Smiler, but on protecting him. We are lowering our expectations, and creating space for him to recover.

If you’re going through something similar with your child, know that you are not alone.