A Difficult Few Weeks
This is going to be raw.
Smiler has had a really tough few weeks. He has been doing mock exams at school, and while he has really applied himself to study, and things have definitely improved since we introduced the medication, the stress of the mocks seems to have really taken a toll on him.
He seems very anxious, angry, irritable, and unable to deal with even the most minor issues without exploding at us. He has put so much energy into studying that it’s almost as though he then becomes completely incapacitated, with watching his favourite TV show on a loop being the only thing he’s able to put any effort into. I suspect this may be some form of ADHD burnout.
Just a few weekends ago, we spent ages tidying his bedroom and getting it looking really smart for him, and now there is stuff strewn everywhere again. He is so on edge that it’s almost better just to leave the room as it is (or tidy it myself) than to cause any extra stress.
The same goes for getting his things organised for school. It is a step too far for him at the moment, and is causing much frustration, so while I’m trying to gently support him in learning to do these himself, now is not the time.
I am sickened with my own response to this tough spell… The situation has become so stressful that I am completely living on edge, and it doesn’t take much for me to snap back at him. We had an awful argument last night, which resulted in me shouting at him, and I ended up taking myself off to bed because I just didn’t have anything left to give. I know I should be modelling how to respond in tense situations (and I know that is not by losing control) but sometimes I am pushed beyond my own limit, and I can feel myself burning out. The diagnosis has definitely helped me keep calm in some of the less stressful moments, but I find shouting, anger, and aggression very difficult to cope with. I know Smiler doesn’t have a lot of control over any of this.
I don’t have any reflections this time, I’m afraid, except an acknowledgement that it is so hard, and you are not alone.