When You Realise ADHD might run in the family…
One of the things I wish I’d known earlier in our journey with Smiler is just how strong the genetic link can be with ADHD. Research suggests a heritability rate of around 80%. In other words, if your child has ADHD, there’s a pretty good chance someone else in your family does too. We didn’t know that. If we had, the lights might have switched on much sooner.
Looking back with a new perspective
Since Smiler’s ADHD diagnosis, we’ve found ourselves revisiting old family memories with a fresh perspective. Behaviours of older members of the family that were once explained away as dreamy and disorganised, or brushed off as restless and impulsive, now look different. With hindsight, they look a lot like ADHD characteristics.
And because ADHD wasn’t commonly talked about back then, nobody thought of it as a possibility. Most people wouldn’t even have known what ADHD was, let alone sought a diagnosis. Without a name for those behaviours, there was no way of linking them together, and certainly no suggestion that there could be a genetic thread running through the family. People simply found their own ways of coping, and the bigger picture stayed hidden.
Why it matters
I’ve learned that it’s really common for parents of newly diagnosed kids to discover they meet the criteria for diagnosis themselves. Sometimes it’s when filling out the questionnaires, you realise the boxes you’re ticking for your child also apply to you! Other times, it’s when you start reading about ADHD and suddenly you’re recognising yourself, your partner, or a parent.
When your child shares characteristics you’ve always lived with yourself, it actually makes ADHD harder to spot. Their struggles feel like part of everyday life, not something unusual that needs attention. If you’ve grown up where forgetfulness, disorganisation, or emotional intensity are the norm, you might not notice they’re anything out of the ordinary.
Which is why knowing ADHD runs in families is so important.
What I wish I’d known
If I could go back, I would ask myself whether I could see traits in family members that looked familiar, even if they were never formally diagnosed. I would have paid more attention to whether Smiler reminded me of anyone else in the family, in ways that went beyond personality quirks. And I might have questioned whether the things I thought of as typical in our family were actually signs of something that needed support.
Maybe we’d have understood sooner that it wasn’t “bad parenting” or “laziness”, but something real that needed understanding.
So if you’re wondering about your child, I’d say don’t just look at them in isolation, look at your family history too. The patterns might already be there, waiting to be noticed.
Reflection
If any of this sounds familiar, please know you’re not failing, and your child isn’t broken. ADHD traits can run quietly through families, without ever having a name. Once you start recognising the patterns, it doesn’t just help your child - it can bring clarity and compassion to your whole family history.