Finding Balance
A Heavy Focus on Struggles
Sometimes it feels like ADHD gets such a bad rap, with much awareness of the negative aspects, and very little on the positive. I’m guilty of that too - so far, this blog has leaned heavily on the struggles, with only a few positives acknowledged.
I think that reflects where I’m at right now, when we’ve only just had Smiler’s ADHD diagnosis. The diagnosis is validating after so many years of struggling without answers, but it’s made me see those struggles in sharper focus.
When I talk to friends these days, I often find myself sharing those struggles. For the first time, I can explain what was going on all those years when we felt so isolated. And I think a part of me is looking for that understanding from others - for them to see Smiler through a more empathetic lens, and to see what a special boy he is.
But I worry I come across as “doom and gloom”. That people must be tired of me circling back to ADHD all the time. The truth is, it feels complicated right now, and I flip between feeling validated and overwhelmed.
Searching for Balance
I hope that with time, as the diagnosis settles in, we’ll find it easier to embrace the positives alongside the challenges.
One thing I hear often is the idea that ADHD is a “superpower”. It’s true that ADHD can come with real strengths (hyperfocus is one that’s often mentioned). But framing ADHD as a superpower can be really unhelpful, for a few reasons.
Firstly, it oversimplifies the reality - hyperfocus can be incredible, but the flip side is the significant struggle with attention in other areas. Celebrating one aspect while ignoring the challenges can feel dismissive of the daily difficulties faced by ADHDers.
Secondly, it can create pressure - if your child is struggling, they can feel as though they’re failing to live up to the superpower label.
And lastly, framing ADHD as a superpower can distract from the fact that many ADHDers need accommodations, strategies, and understanding to thrive.
That said, I see Smiler’s hyperfocus in action, and it is amazing. When he decides he wants to improve at something, his dedication is unmatched. He’ll happily spend two hours playing a solo round of golf just to master a new technique. But then, that same focus is nowhere to be found when it’s time to tackle his English homework. Both the strength and the struggle exist side by side.